First, the Bible: “All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness” (Heb. 12:11).
When I was in the fifth grade, I was spanked three times in the same day! My dad told me not to ride my bike close to the oil pan or I might fall into it (he did not realize how expertly I could ride a bike!). But I fell in and he spanked me. That was early in the morning; at lunch time I was still fuming because Dad spanked me for an “accident.” I was setting the table for lunch and slinging the plates onto the table. Mom warned me if I broke a dish, I would get another spanking. The very next plate that left my hand slid across the table and broke on the floor. It was an “accident.” But I got spanked by mom. I don’t recall the third spanking that day. I just remember it happened. I probably repressed it. At the time, I thought the spankings (at least the first two) were unfair. They were both the results of “accidents.” As I matured, I realized how my heart had not submitted to Dad’s or Mom’s instructions.
The Hebrew writer points out in a very obvious way that no one likes discipline at the time. It’s only later, with maturity, that we realize it was for our good. The same thing is true with parenting. It is not likely that a child is going to appreciate or respect the idea that he or she has been corrected or disciplined or punished. Parents are naive if they expect a child to say, “Thank you for spanking me. I appreciate it!”
It is in the moments when the child sulks or pouts or otherwise acts injured that Mom and Dad need to remind themselves that they are still doing the right thing. It is not a personal insult to Mom or Dad if the child does not respond favorably to punishment. It’s the nature of children (and immature adults).
Children, by and large, believe their primarily purpose in life is to have fun. Some adults still have that mentality. Parents have to be patient, but consistent, that life is about honoring God, honoring parents, honoring others. The home is the laboratory of life; it’s where we all learn the basic values God wants instilled in us, which Paul calls the “fruit of the Spirit.”
Parents, keep your eyes open to all the teaching opportunities you will have in front of you during the day. Pray to use them wisely. And don’t get discouraged. If you are doing the right thing, right things will result.
Paul Holland